His simple exhale
pried the swollen doors of my heart
the locks and callouses
seized to His words
"Stop" He said..."Just stop"
The rock walls perfected by experience
crumbled with one breath
and lie destroyed at my feet
the sudden exposure and vulnerability
scared me; the unfamiliarity of it all
feelings that I've intentionally scarfed
down--gagging I've buried
in burrows--holes--in my heart
threat swelled in my eyes
with a foreign yet credulous viscosity
holding my head up
I refused to let the tear escape
"It's gonna hurt," I said, "It's going
to burn paths down on my muscular cheeks.
If this tear escapes my strength
will leave me, my protection--my fort
will crumble." I thought
And it happened...
My heart was broken
and stubbornness weakened
it escaped
the tear glided down and softened
the unbearable stiffness of my cheek
and relieved the muscles of my smile
My head bowed to Him
and gave into His love
other tears created their own routes
each remedy softened me
each carried those predetermined thoughts
and fell to the ground
the ground soaked them and sent
those thoughts to the pits of hell they originated from
the disguised strength revealed itself as weakness.
Strength not my own entered me
and allowed me to cry
to drown the tough girl in her on tears
the girl who resided in me so long
and who had me fooled to believe
that's just who I am and how I was born
which, ultimately, was the truth
Until i was born again...but differently
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Dear Baby Sister,
Dear Baby Sister,
Although I'm only 16, my 16 years of experience was given to me to share with you
so I'm gonna share them with you.
You're already in pre-school and you seem to have things handled,
but remember that these primary years only last a short time
so take advantage
When you reach kindergarten,
don't look at nap time as a punishment.
It's a gift that you'll regret not accepting in the future.
And your name in kindergarten sticks with you for most years in elementary school,
so don't be the bully or the girl who causes class to elongate and miss recess.
Nobody wants to befriend them
When you reach upper class which is 4th-6th grade,
This is the time to get a head start on your education.
Take the honors Math and English classes because you'll be thankful when you reach high school.
I know you belong in those classes because you're already a smart girl.
Now sixth grade is a breeze...well the classes are.
This is the grade where you'll be introduced to somebody who will accompany you throughout your school years...her name is drama.
Watch out for her because she can cause stress and serious heartache
Now middle school only lasts two years, but it seems it'll take forever.
Don't mistake middle school for a circus.
I know the girls will probably look like clowns with all their make-up
and the boys will look like hairy monkeys,
but believe it or not--it's normal
This is the awkward stage when girls start growing and wearing make-up
and boys start becoming interested in girls,
don't get caught up. You have a life ahead of you.
When you finally get out of that circus, now you're moving onto the big leagues...
High school.
Now high school is what you make it.
Don't let movies like Mean Girls scare you because that is an exaggerated version.
My advice is just to pick the right friends and chill with the right crowd.
Focus on your work because your grades determine your life...no pressure.
As a freshman, you'll probably get picked on,
but I'm not really worried about that because you can handle yourself, you get it from me.
You have to be invincible and bounce back from any negative thing thrown your way.
After four years, you're set and technically a grown woman
and you won't need my help anymore.
I was the youngest sister until you came along thirteen years later,
and now I vow to be your closest companion and trust me when I say this...
I will always be there when you need me because that's what big sisters are for.
Love Your Big Sister,
Cheryl
Although I'm only 16, my 16 years of experience was given to me to share with you
so I'm gonna share them with you.
You're already in pre-school and you seem to have things handled,
but remember that these primary years only last a short time
so take advantage
When you reach kindergarten,
don't look at nap time as a punishment.
It's a gift that you'll regret not accepting in the future.
And your name in kindergarten sticks with you for most years in elementary school,
so don't be the bully or the girl who causes class to elongate and miss recess.
Nobody wants to befriend them
When you reach upper class which is 4th-6th grade,
This is the time to get a head start on your education.
Take the honors Math and English classes because you'll be thankful when you reach high school.
I know you belong in those classes because you're already a smart girl.
Now sixth grade is a breeze...well the classes are.
This is the grade where you'll be introduced to somebody who will accompany you throughout your school years...her name is drama.
Watch out for her because she can cause stress and serious heartache
Now middle school only lasts two years, but it seems it'll take forever.
Don't mistake middle school for a circus.
I know the girls will probably look like clowns with all their make-up
and the boys will look like hairy monkeys,
but believe it or not--it's normal
This is the awkward stage when girls start growing and wearing make-up
and boys start becoming interested in girls,
don't get caught up. You have a life ahead of you.
When you finally get out of that circus, now you're moving onto the big leagues...
High school.
Now high school is what you make it.
Don't let movies like Mean Girls scare you because that is an exaggerated version.
My advice is just to pick the right friends and chill with the right crowd.
Focus on your work because your grades determine your life...no pressure.
As a freshman, you'll probably get picked on,
but I'm not really worried about that because you can handle yourself, you get it from me.
You have to be invincible and bounce back from any negative thing thrown your way.
After four years, you're set and technically a grown woman
and you won't need my help anymore.
I was the youngest sister until you came along thirteen years later,
and now I vow to be your closest companion and trust me when I say this...
I will always be there when you need me because that's what big sisters are for.
Love Your Big Sister,
Cheryl
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Random Haikus
He makes my heart sing
Like a cage free canary
That will not look back
He looks at me as
If I'm not valuable
But I know I am
She told me to trust
And fall in her open arms
And didn't catch me
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Eight Thousand Words
A comedian? He's looking more like a deer in headlights
This ain't no comedy club full of people and drinks
Already bubbling to laugh and have a good night
These are imprisoned women facing,
6 years, 7 years, maybe even life.
He can't know how much they miss their kids
Their parents and even their grandchildren
They don't wan to open up, not even a little
Some, pretending to listen
Aren't really there, instead on a battlefield
Against scars and addictions
Does he really think his gift can be accepted here?
But yes
An unexpected grin breaks surface
The permanent frown is rapidly erased
A surprised laugh is omitted
And the aloof look is defaced
Laughter is boiling and emotions are sheer
A hand on a back or tear
Are just mere signs of acceptance and friendship
The intention is harmless with no hatred in gear
With laughter in their hearts
Their ears are finally open
To not only a speech, but a heartfelt devotion
The realization has kicked in
On where they are
What transformations can happen, and where they can begin
Repentance and regret hang on surrendering hands
Sisters in Christ are becoming new again
Their sins are wiped away along with the shame
They have declared war against wrong
A newfound love for Christ has been set aflame
Now that the truth is something that they know
It's not so difficult to finally let go
Guilt and pain escape their changed souls in the form of tears
Satan's hold in dissolved
And Christ's is premiered.
This ain't no comedy club full of people and drinks
Already bubbling to laugh and have a good night
These are imprisoned women facing,
6 years, 7 years, maybe even life.
He can't know how much they miss their kids
Their parents and even their grandchildren
They don't wan to open up, not even a little
Some, pretending to listen
Aren't really there, instead on a battlefield
Against scars and addictions
Does he really think his gift can be accepted here?
But yes
An unexpected grin breaks surface
The permanent frown is rapidly erased
A surprised laugh is omitted
And the aloof look is defaced
Laughter is boiling and emotions are sheer
A hand on a back or tear
Are just mere signs of acceptance and friendship
The intention is harmless with no hatred in gear
With laughter in their hearts
Their ears are finally open
To not only a speech, but a heartfelt devotion
The realization has kicked in
On where they are
What transformations can happen, and where they can begin
Repentance and regret hang on surrendering hands
Sisters in Christ are becoming new again
Their sins are wiped away along with the shame
They have declared war against wrong
A newfound love for Christ has been set aflame
Now that the truth is something that they know
It's not so difficult to finally let go
Guilt and pain escape their changed souls in the form of tears
Satan's hold in dissolved
And Christ's is premiered.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Dear Diary
November 4, 2010
Dear Diary,
I've been thinking of a few life questions that I can't figure out the answer to. Now, these 20 questions have been haunting me for a while now and I'm hoping that maybe if I write them down somehow they'll stop bothering me or I could find an answer in the future or something. Well anyways...
Dear Diary,
I've looked back upon the above entry that I wrote fifteen years ago as a sophomore in high school and realize that I was immature and naïve. But with life experience, I can answer those important questions about myself. For example, I may not be able to answer why there are flotation devices under the plane's seat, but I can answer questions 17-20.
17. The answer is yes. Yes you are supposed to be that short because you weren't done growing. You may have been 5'3 at the time, but if you were 5'7 at that time I would be over 6'0 now!
18. The boys were jerks because you were in high school! I mean some men are still jerks, but they were in high school and far from being mature.
19. You weren't considered attractive to boys because you didn't need to attract the wrong boys anyways. There was one boy put in this world for me and if you attracted any others, you may have missed him.
20. And oh, number twenty. You were right. Psalm 139:14 does state, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." But where you were wrong was in thinking that those other pretty girls were more wonderful than you. I know two people today that would disagree with your question. God and my husband. After all, those opinions are the only ones who matter.
Dear Diary,
I've been thinking of a few life questions that I can't figure out the answer to. Now, these 20 questions have been haunting me for a while now and I'm hoping that maybe if I write them down somehow they'll stop bothering me or I could find an answer in the future or something. Well anyways...
- How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- Why are there flotation devices under the plane's seat instead of parachutes?
- Do fish ever get thirsty?
- Is there an abbreviation for the word abbreviate?
- Why do people say your alarm clock is going off when it is actually on?
- Why was Eve not freaked out when a snake started talking to her?
- Why do people who live in the desert wear long sleeve shirts? Isn't it hot?
- What happens if a college student who lives on campus has a child?
- Why dose your skin color determine who you are?
- Why did the Latin language die?
- Who did the math when it came to school months and summer break?
- Why is it necessary to learn chemistry if I'm going to be a writer?
- How did the Israelites lose the ark of the covenant?
- Why do we drink cow's milk?
- If in the animal kingdom the male is the prettiest to attract females, why is it opposite with humans?
- Do criminals have a conscience?
- Am I supposed to be this short?
- Why are boys such jerks sometimes?
- Why am I not considered an attractive girl to boys?
- If Psalm 139:14 says that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, then why are some girls at school made more wonderfully than me?
Dear Diary,
I've looked back upon the above entry that I wrote fifteen years ago as a sophomore in high school and realize that I was immature and naïve. But with life experience, I can answer those important questions about myself. For example, I may not be able to answer why there are flotation devices under the plane's seat, but I can answer questions 17-20.
17. The answer is yes. Yes you are supposed to be that short because you weren't done growing. You may have been 5'3 at the time, but if you were 5'7 at that time I would be over 6'0 now!
18. The boys were jerks because you were in high school! I mean some men are still jerks, but they were in high school and far from being mature.
19. You weren't considered attractive to boys because you didn't need to attract the wrong boys anyways. There was one boy put in this world for me and if you attracted any others, you may have missed him.
20. And oh, number twenty. You were right. Psalm 139:14 does state, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." But where you were wrong was in thinking that those other pretty girls were more wonderful than you. I know two people today that would disagree with your question. God and my husband. After all, those opinions are the only ones who matter.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
True Statements
Roses are red, violets are blue
The statements mentioned above
And below are unquestionably true
I believe all dads should strive
To walk in my dads' shoes
He taught us to be tough
And to just walk off a bruise
I love how when mom doesn't cook
He'll make a random concoction and call it stew
He's the biggest supporter of our childhood sports
And has a life lesson ready for when we lose
You gotta love how he brags
About all his old school moves
He planted us all in his garden
Cared for us separately and watched as we grew
He's the dad who will lay out two options
And give us the opportunity to choose
I guess you can call him an artist
I mean the plan for our lives, he drew
When he was young, on his own
From the sinful life he withdrew
That sounds pretty amazing to me
I don't know bout you
So yes, roses are red and violets are blue
These statements are definitely true
But my dad is one of the best
And that fact reigns true too
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Porcelain Marbles--Part 3/3:
My father with all color drained from him
Walked out the door from the old house
He walked down the worn out stone path
His suede shoes stepped right through me
The velvet envelope in his right hand
Was stamped with our family's name
He looked at the envelope one last time
and kissed it as a tear escaped his eye
He gently placed it in the mailbox
and retreated back through the door.
I watched this from the grass
and felt a surge of energy
I rose and walked towards that mailbox
and opened it slowly--the stubborn rust fought.
In the shadows of the dusty box
was a velvet letter stamped on it--my family's name
I touched the letter immersed with dust
and carefully opened its contents
And there was a letter addressed to me
It read: "To my beloved daughter,
I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect father.
I've never been bold enough to tell you this
So I decided to write it instead. I love you
and I always have, its just that since--
Ever since your mother died I just--I
couldn't do it on my own
And to see you everyday as a living and breathing memory of her
It--it killed me. You resemble your mother
In looks, your personality, your laugh and smile
So I decided to bury you, well bury me
in my work to separate us.
The purpose of this letter is to explain.
To explain what I was too much of a coward to say
Which was that I do love you and I know
that actions speak louder than words
But, I'm hoping you'll forgive my actions
and soak in my pleading words.
I'm sorry. And I love you Emily. Sincerely, Dad."
My vision blurred with regret
So blurred that I almost missed the last line.
"P.S. The wheel is attached to this letter.
I hope you live the life I've always dreamed
that my little girl will live, Emily."
Truth is, I was able to live his dream and my life told a delicate story--delicate as porcelain
Walked out the door from the old house
He walked down the worn out stone path
His suede shoes stepped right through me
The velvet envelope in his right hand
Was stamped with our family's name
He looked at the envelope one last time
and kissed it as a tear escaped his eye
He gently placed it in the mailbox
and retreated back through the door.
I watched this from the grass
and felt a surge of energy
I rose and walked towards that mailbox
and opened it slowly--the stubborn rust fought.
In the shadows of the dusty box
was a velvet letter stamped on it--my family's name
I touched the letter immersed with dust
and carefully opened its contents
And there was a letter addressed to me
It read: "To my beloved daughter,
I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect father.
I've never been bold enough to tell you this
So I decided to write it instead. I love you
and I always have, its just that since--
Ever since your mother died I just--I
couldn't do it on my own
And to see you everyday as a living and breathing memory of her
It--it killed me. You resemble your mother
In looks, your personality, your laugh and smile
So I decided to bury you, well bury me
in my work to separate us.
The purpose of this letter is to explain.
To explain what I was too much of a coward to say
Which was that I do love you and I know
that actions speak louder than words
But, I'm hoping you'll forgive my actions
and soak in my pleading words.
I'm sorry. And I love you Emily. Sincerely, Dad."
My vision blurred with regret
So blurred that I almost missed the last line.
"P.S. The wheel is attached to this letter.
I hope you live the life I've always dreamed
that my little girl will live, Emily."
Truth is, I was able to live his dream and my life told a delicate story--delicate as porcelain
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)