Dear Diary

November 4, 2010
Dear Diary,
I've been thinking of a few life questions that I can't figure out the answer to. Now, these 20 questions have been haunting me for a while now and I'm hoping that maybe if I write them down somehow they'll stop bothering me or I could find an answer in the future or something. Well anyways...

1. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
2. Why are there flotation devices under the plane's seat instead of parachutes?
3. Do fish ever get thirsty?
4. Is there an abbreviation for the word abbreviate?
5. Why do people say your alarm clock is going off when it is actually on?
6. Why was Eve not freaked out when a snake started talking to her?
7. Why do people who live in the desert wear long sleeve shirts? Isn't it hot?
8. What happens if a college student who lives on campus has a child?
9. Why dose your skin color determine who you are?
10. Why did the Latin language die?
11. Who did the math when it came to school months and summer break?
12. Why is it necessary to learn chemistry if I'm going to be a writer?
13. How did the Israelites lose the ark of the covenant?
14. Why do we drink cow's milk?
15. If in the animal kingdom the male is the prettiest to attract females, why is it opposite with humans?
16. Do criminals have a conscience?
17. Am I supposed to be this short?
18. Why are boys such jerks sometimes?
19. Why am I not considered an attractive girl to boys?
20. If Psalm 139:14 says that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, then why are some girls at school made more wonderfully than me?

April 7, 2025
Dear Diary,
I've looked back upon the above entry that I wrote fifteen years ago as a sophomore in high school and realize that I was immature and naïve. But with life experience, I can answer those important questions about myself. For example, I may not be able to answer why there are flotation devices under the plane's seat, but I can answer questions 17-20.

  17. The answer is yes. Yes you are supposed to be that short because you weren't done growing.    You may have been 5'3 at the time, but if you were 5'7 at that time I would be over 6'0 now!
  18. The boys were jerks because you were in high school! I mean some men are still jerks, but they were in high school and far from being mature.
  19. You weren't considered attractive to boys because you didn't need to attract the wrong boys anyways. There was one boy put in this world for me and if you attracted any others, you may have missed him.
  20. And oh, number twenty. You were right. Psalm 139:14 does state, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." But where you were wrong was in thinking that those other pretty girls were more wonderful than you. I know two people today that would disagree with your question. God and my husband. After all, those opinions are the only ones who matter.

True Statements

Roses are red, violets are blue

The statements mentioned above 

And below are unquestionably true

I believe all dads should strive

To walk in my dads' shoes

He taught us to be tough 

And to just walk off a bruise

I love how when mom doesn't cook

He'll make a random concoction and call it stew

He's the biggest supporter of our childhood sports

And has a life lesson ready for when we lose 

You gotta love how he brags

About all his old school moves

He planted us all in his garden

Cared for us separately and watched as we grew

He's the dad who will lay out two options

And give us the opportunity to choose

I guess you can call him an artist

I mean the plan for our lives, he drew

When he was young, on his own

From the sinful life he withdrew

That sounds pretty amazing to me

I don't know bout you 

So yes, roses are red and violets are blue

These statements are definitely true

But my dad is one of the best 

And that fact reigns true too

Porcelain Marbles--Part 3/3:

My father with all color drained from him
Walked out the door from the old house
He walked down the worn out stone path
His suede shoes stepped right through me
The velvet envelope in his right hand
Was stamped with our family's name
He looked at the envelope one last time
and kissed it as a tear escaped his eye
He gently placed it in the mailbox
and retreated back through the door.
I watched this from the grass
and felt a surge of energy
I rose and walked towards that mailbox
and opened it slowly--the stubborn rust fought.
In the shadows of the dusty box
was a velvet letter stamped on it--my family's name
I touched the letter immersed with dust
and carefully opened its contents
And there was a letter addressed to me
It read: "To my beloved daughter,
I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect father.
I've never been bold enough to tell you this
So I decided to write it instead. I love you
and I always have, its just that since--
Ever since your mother died I just--I
couldn't do it on my own
And to see you everyday as a living and breathing memory of her
It--it killed me. You resemble your mother
In looks, your personality, your laugh and smile
So I decided to bury you, well bury me
in my work to separate us.
The purpose of this letter is to explain.
To explain what I was too much of a coward to say
Which was that I do love you and I know
that actions speak louder than words
But, I'm hoping you'll forgive my actions
and soak in my pleading words.
I'm sorry. And I love you Emily. Sincerely, Dad."
My vision blurred with regret
So blurred that I almost missed the last line.
"P.S. The wheel is attached to this letter.
I hope you live the life I've always dreamed
that my little girl will live, Emily."
Truth is, I was able to live his dream and my life told a delicate story--delicate as porcelain

Porcelain Marbles--Part 2/3:

It ran down the street
Down through my childhood neighborhood
Down the street where I once played
Past my neighbor's house who cared for me
When Daddy didn't, which was very often
It kept rolling as if it was begging me
to follow it down the aching memory lane
Beginning to give up, I slowed down
My body began to give in
due to my severe malnutrition and dehydration
I took several more steps
not knowing which one will cause me to faint,
But I continued not knowing why
each step was exciting and exasperating
Until one step caused my fall--
And I fell
I fell right onto the green grass of the yard
The grass that was stained with my childhood memories
Slowly turning my head, I caught sight of my home
Multiple childhood scenes played out at one time in black and white
I saw the porch twenty-two years ago
My mother and father swinging to and fro
On the hammock on the porch
My mother bubbling with happiness
As my father rubbed her swelled stomach
I saw the driveway twenty-two years ago
My parents pulled up in a black Volkswagen
My father ran to my mother's car door
And helped her out of the car carefully
Her hands were full with me--her joy
Together they walked through home's door
I saw the steps seventeen years ago
A little girl with bouncy golden curls
Jumping off of them from her father, laughing
Her mother sitting on the porch smiling
I saw the grass fifteen years ago
A small girl in a vibrant floral summer dress
Tossing the porcelain marbles
One fell from her sight and sent her crying
Crying into her parents' arms
She pulled them to the front yard and pointed
She pointed to the green grass
Where her beloved marble was lost
The parents searched and searched
My father came over to where I collapsed
He looked directly into my wise eyes
And he smiled--
He smiled a smile that had love written all over it
Then he reached down and I reached up
His transparent arm went straight through mine
He stood back up tall as can be
With the porcelain marble in hand
He looked over to seven year-old me
And she ran towards him and him to her
And they hugged and she smiled.
They began walking back to the house
Little me and my mom walked through the door
But my dad, looked back at me--lying there
In the old wild grass
He looked straight into my glistening eyes
And smiled.
All scenes disappeared as my father entered the house
I looked up into the bright English sky and smiled.
I could have lied there forever if a sharp pain hadn't struck me in the shoulder
But it did.
And when it did, I rolled over off my back
To find my green porcelain marble
I picked it up and kissed it--so happy to have it.
Then an odd sight caught my eye.